How to Stop Fighting With Your Spouse What to do when fighting goes nowhere and even makes things worse. Look for the root of the problem. 1. When you forgive — even (especially) if it is unsolicited — you protect your own heart from bitterness and resentment and keep your conscience clear toward God, who promises to forgive us as we forgive others (Matthew 6:14-15), “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” – Ruth Bell Graham. PRIVACY POLICY, https://assetsnffrgf-a.akamaihd.net/assets/m/102013043/univ/art/102013043_univ_sqr_xl.jpg, https://assetsnffrgf-a.akamaihd.net/assets/a/g/E/201302/wpub/g_E_201302_lg.jpg, Share My husband and I have known each other for almost thirty years, and we’ve been married for nearly twenty-nine. I pray for more insight and more determination to utilize this remedy with grace. How to Stop Arguing With Your Spouse About Coronavirus Risks Steps to calmly and productively reach a solution. Once all the resultant endorphins are circulating in your system, you may find the things that were irritating you earlier no longer even matter to your post-sex brain. It is bad enough when one of you gives into anger; if you both lose your temper at once, the potential for damage is doubled, so take a deep breath, count to ten, and do whatever it takes to keep a cool head. If you disagree with what your husband or wife is saying, say something like, "While X is an … No matter how compatible you and your spouse may seem to be, your views on some matters will differ. Would you like to read this article in %%? Discuss what you learned from this exercise. “Prides goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall.” – Proverbs 16:18. “The one covering over transgression is seeking love.”​—Proverbs 17:9. For example, a dispute that starts with “You’re always late!” may not be about the need for punctuality but about one spouse feeling that he or she has been treated inconsiderately. Immigration—Dreams and Realities, Share 1. Do so in a firm but loving way, and pray for wisdom and the right words to say before you broach the subject (James 1:5). But I admire your determination to “abandon a quarrel before it breaks out.”. Fighting is miserable, sometimes devastating, and can negatively affect all areas of your life. Four key steps can help you and your spouse avoid arguing and find solutions together. If such a power is at play in your marriage (and to some degree, sin rears its ugly head in every relationship), you may need to address the matter with your spouse. What’s more, these principles (with the exception of #10) can be used to avoid arguments in your other relationships, as well. “Replay” the event: Instead of arguing, what could each of you have done differently to address those underlying issues? My husband and I have been using them with great success for over a quarter century now. Since we’re both firstborn and innately stubborn, I can assure you that in those three decades, we’ve had our fair share of arguments. But first you need to find out why you and your spouse argue so much. Get to the underlying issues. Instead of waiting for your partner to do the right thing, take the initiative to add a note of humor or calm into a downward-spiraling conflict, or to postpone the exchange to a future time. If you and your spouse conclude that the matter was trivial, apologize to each other and consider it settled.​—Bible principle: Colossians 3:13, 14. EMAIL. When I offer an observation and it stirs debate, I back off and give away the topic to silent meditation. AWAKE! Do you have a good secret for keeping the quarreling at bay? In some cases, for the sake of peace, it may suffice to agree to disagree and to cover over the matter with love.​—Bible principle: Proverbs 17:9. That’s the message one of my readers sent in a few weeks ago. by Barry J. Jacobs and Julia L. Mayer, AARP, June 9, 2020 | Comments: 0 Please share in the comments below. I agree that differences of opinion are inevitable, but quarreling is more akin to bickering rudely than to disagreeing respectfully. An article of conduct that will end these emotionally charged exchanges. “Love means never hesitating to say you’re sorry.” – My edited version of Erich Segal’s famous quote, You should forgive your spouse freely, as frequently as you are asked to do so (Matthew 18:21-22), but don’t feel like you have to wait for an apology before extending forgiveness. A disagreement does not have to become an all-out argument. Have you ever known (or been married to) someone who insists on always having the last word? Immigration—Dreams and Realities. Discover the Bible’s practical advice for husbands, wives, parents, and children. How to Stop Arguing, Publication download options We have different personalities and do not always see eye-to-eye. Find common ground: Maybe your spouse is wary of most social activities but is willing to go for a hike as long as the trail isn't too crowded. With a little forethought, you can resolve many problems before they crop up. So it’s a win-win! It’s not going to stop the leaking now, is it? By subscribing to my newsletter, you consent to receive new post updates and occasional promotional emails related to Loving Life at Home. Men and women are inherently different, not only in the way their bodies are made, but in the way they think and act and in what they value. How many marriages have been destroyed by the stubborn refusal of either or both parties to humbly extend such basic considerations? These ten practices aren’t theoretical; they are tried and true. When things are calm, try the following exercise with your spouse. That gives you only a few hours to bury the hatchet before bedtime, so if you’ve had a spat, don’t wait for your spouse to make the first move toward reconciliation. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1. Your email address will not be published. AWAKE! How to Stop Arguing With Your Spouse About Coronavirus Risks Steps to calmly and productively reach a solution. What was your spouse’s deeper concern during the argument? For example, a husband... 2. “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. TWEET. And fourth, seeing one another naked may inspire you to skip the argument altogether and enjoy some physical intimacy instead. How can the solution to such a simple, straight-forward question be so elusive? The next time you question how to stop arguing with your husband or wife, simply remember the model. We are committed to marriage in general and to each other in specific, and we can attest that these guidelines, coupled with God’s unsurpassed grace, have kept those disagreements from driving a wedge into our relationship and causing a split or an all-out war. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.” – Galatians 6:1. This is particularly true between husband and wife. Learning how to stop fights and keep them as disagreements, and at the most arguments, is crucial for a healthy relationship. When a seemingly innocent observation is answered with a sling and a barb I crawl inside my shell and want to die. “Let not the sun go down on your wrath.” (Ephesians 4:26) That’s how the Bible advises us to deal with our anger. I had not learned how to show respect.”. Like I was saying before, no one ever said you have to sit face-to-face across … Just stop talking. With an open mind, discuss the following: Was the matter really that serious? ». In some... 3. Consider the … I know it puts my husband on edge when the house is a wreck, so I try to keep things tidy for his peace of mind. ... Persun, N. (2018). It’s almost inevitable that your spouse will occasionally do or say something that irritates you, yet it’s important to keep those feelings of annoyance from turning into anger — particularly when the irritation is mutual. Sometimes our differences are rooted in sin. Could it have been overlooked? On separate sheets of paper, each of you should write down the topic of a recent argument. Make it your aim to communicate your thoughts clearly and concisely. Here are 10 ways to stop arguing and start solving the real problems in your relationship: 1. Don’t be that person. As a result, I need better coping methods. Required fields are marked *. Different opinions should only lead to disagreements, not to disrespecting and demeaning the other person. When I have my wits about me, however, this method seems to work. Sophia Mathew May 16th, 2019 . 2. Sit Beside Each Other. by Barry J. Jacobs and Julia L. Mayer, AARP, June 9, 2020 | Comments: 0 No two persons are the same. “All his spirit is what a stupid one lets out, but he that is wise keeps it calm to the last.”​—Proverbs 29:11. Whatever the cause, frequent arguing can adversely affect your health and can even be a predictor of eventual divorce. 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